Ahead of National Doctor’s Day, a Delhi doctor’s raw, firsthand account of a patient encounter has sparked a conversation on the intersection of healthcare, systemic misogyny, and the silent suffering of dependent women. Also read | Cancer specialist says Indian doctors ‘can’t afford a bad day like Kohli or Federer’: ‘We are someone’s only hope’
Dr Jill Kar, a physician in Palliative Medicine at the All India Institute of Medical Sciences (AIIMS), took to Instagram on June 30 to share a ‘true story’ from her previous tenure at Safdarjung Hospital — one that highlighted how domestic expectations could directly compromise a patient’s life.
The anatomy of an outburst
According to Dr Kar, the incident began routinely when a man walked into her outpatient department (OPD) with his ailing wife. The patient was suffering from a severe spinal condition that caused pain, tingling, and numbness in both her feet. Despite the debilitating symptoms, she had persisted in doing ‘housework, taking care of the kids and in-laws’, only seeking medical intervention after the agony became ‘unbearable’.
After diagnosing the patient, Dr Kar detailed the strict treatment protocol required to prevent catastrophic progression. “I explained the condition to both of them and advised her not to bend and do housework like bending forward and doing ‘pocchhha’ (mopping the floor) at home or sitting on the floor for long hours,” Dr Kar shared, adding, “She needed meds, back support, physiotherapy, rest and a break from tedious work, because if the condition progressed, she could get paralysed from the waist down or lose bladder/bowel control, and might need surgery.”
However, the medical warning was met not with concern, but with domestic logistics. While Dr Kar was explaining the looming risk of paralysis, the husband interrupted. “Toh ghar ka kaam toh kerna padega na, humara chulha (gas stove) neeche hi rakhte hain hum, neeche toh baithna padega (She has to do housework and cook on our stove which is kept on the floor),” the husband reportedly said.
Dr Kar countered, advising him to buy a table for the stove and alter their living arrangements to mitigate his wife’s suffering. “How can he force her to work like this when I’ve just explained how serious this is?” she questioned. The confrontation peaked when the husband dismissed the physician’s medical counsel entirely, telling her: “Madam ji dawai de do aap apna kaam kero chup chap (Madam, just prescribe her medicines and do your job quietly).” Her reaction? “I never scream, but that day I did,” Dr Kar admitted. Also read | Neurosurgeon explains 4 conditions that could lead to paralysis if untreated
‘Indian misogyny cannot hide in the hospitals’
The encounter left the doctor deeply unsettled, exposing a chilling apathy regarding women’s health within certain domestic structures. She said, “I realised, he doesn’t even care. He’s so angry at the inconvenience his wife has caused him by being ill, he wants a medal for bringing her to the hospital.”
The power dynamic became even more stark when it came time to explain the treatment regimen. Because the patient was uneducated, she was entirely dependent on her spouse to manage her recovery — a spouse who had just dismissed the severity of her condition.
“When I explained the medications, this woman looked at her husband, because she was uneducated,” Dr Kar recalled. “And I felt helpless. Because I was explaining the meds to a guy who doesn’t even care if she gets better or not. It’s a sad state. And these women are stuck, married off and entirely dependent on men like this. My heart sank,” she added.
‘Pick your partners wisely’
Dr Kar framed the encounter not as an isolated incident, but as a symptom of a larger, deeply entrenched societal ailment, asserting: “Indian misogyny cannot hide in the hospitals.” Reflecting on her own journey ahead of National Doctor’s Day, she expressed gratitude for the historic feminist movements that allowed her to escape similar vulnerabilities.
“As a woman myself, I feel incredibly blessed that there were women who were loud, obnoxious and an inconvenience to this patriarchal society, because if today I have my education, money and freedom, it’s because of those fiery women who fought for the daughters that will follow and me!” Dr Kar shared. “We don’t need feminism? Oh we do! Women, educate yourselves. Above all, pick your partners wisely, because this is real,” she added.
Dr Kar concluded her account by sharing that a medical professional’s duty often extends beyond prescribing drugs; it involves confronting the social determinants of health that walk into the clinic every day. “One thing I’ve learnt from being a doctor in this country, is to choose my partner wisely,” she noted, adding, “Women, educate yourselves, might even cost you your life one day. I believe in having conversations that we often avoid in Medicine.”
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This article is for informational purposes only and not a substitute for professional medical advice.
