Pop culture and conventional wisdom suggest that it is perfectly okay for a man who is in a relationship not to have any other women as his friends. However, according to Jeff Guenther, a licensed professional counsellor based in Portland with over 20 years of experience, it is, in fact, a significant red flag.
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Taking to Instagram on April 6, Jeff explained why that is, and how deliberately trying to limit a man’s social circle does not ensure that he is loyal.
Why not having woman friends is a red flag
While the absence of female friends of a heterosexual man can be interpreted as the absence of potential threats by his partner, Jeff believes that it is not actually the case. There are men who genuinely like women in a platonic sense.
Seeing them interact with other women that he is not related to or attracted to is what security actually feels like. It also suggests that the man considers women as complete, complex individuals that they are, and not just as the roles that they may play in his life.
In the words of the therapist, “Men who genuinely like women, not want them, not need them, like them. Those men have platonic relationships with women, friends, mentors, colleagues – they actually respect women who aren’t mom, grandma, or someone they’re trying to sleep with.”
“And when you see how he moves with those women, comfortable, easy, no weird charge to it, that’s actually what security feels like. That’s what you’ve been looking for. If the only women in his life are people he’s related to or people he’s pursuing, what does that tell you about how he sees women? It tells you he doesn’t see them as full people. He sees them as roles: Mother, partner, potential. That’s about it.”
How limiting one’s social circle has a negative effect
Jeff shared that some women may think managing who their partner should be around keeps them and their relationship safe. In reality, that is not the case.
“If he’s going to cheat, he’s going to cheat,” stated the therapist bluntly. “What you’re actually doing when you isolate him from female friendships is incredibly controlling, and it kind of guarantees you end up with a man who has no idea how to relate to half the human population.”
A man who has women in his life who have nothing to do with romance is someone with “actual perspective,” noted Jeff. No women friends at all is not loyalty, he insisted, but actually a cause for concern.
Note to readers: This article is for informational purposes only and not a substitute for professional medical advice. This report is based on user-generated content from social media. HT.com has not independently verified the claims and does not endorse them.
